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©Arikay’s Little Infinity

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Her Secret

I guess Love Has done something magical to Everyone when they fall in Love.

I mean, He looks at her like she was the star.

“MY GOD, She’s so beautiful,” that’s what he told me every day.

He was insanely in love with her.

I could only stare at him falling

Head-over-Heels for a girl

who will never feel the same way for him?

And I will always

be that person whose

Love was buried deep

inside because

I was Too Afraid to Tell Him.

 

-Arikay’s Little Infinity, Her Secret

 

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Him as My Muse

He was charming. Never once had I expect a human to look enticingly beautiful.

His eyes sparkling like those captivating stars.

He flashes another breathtaking smile and

all I could think of was to engrave that

beautiful smile in my head.

I will forever cite him as my muse.

-Arikay’s Little Infinity, Him as My Muse

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My Dreams; spilled thoughts

I always thought that I had a dream.
Not the type of dream you had when you sleep.
But the type of dream that makes you feel enthusiastic.
The type of Dream that makes you want to be on top of the range.
The type that makes you feel like you’re worth something.
The type of Dream that makes you feel like you’re enough.
Enough to make the world appreciate your existence.
The type where you’ll sacrifice all that you’ve got just to achieve that Dream of yours.
Dreams? They aren’t really something special until you realize that a Dream can actually take you to places that you’ve never dream of.
Dreams make you want to conquer the world.
They can make you crave the beautiful melodies all around the world.
They can make you feel exquisite and radiant at the same time.
Dreams make you want to explore all the beautiful things that exist around the world.
Dreams actually made a person stronger.
It makes me feel like I am the vigorous adventurer of my own World.
A person that I revere.
A person that I wish I could be.
A wanderer of my own Story.
I really liked the word ‘Adventurer’, it makes me feel like I can do anything If I believe in myself and Of course my own Dreams.

-Arikay’s Little Infinity, My dreams; spilled thoughts

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First Love-1

I think I’m still going to like you even if it’s not meant to be.

If you ask me why?

I’d simply say,”Because I want you and nothing else.”

I mean, once you really Like or Love someone, the lingering feelings will never vanish completely.

You’re still going to think about what you could’ve done and what you could’ve been.

You’ll still think about that one person who sweeps you off of your feet.

No matter what you do or where you are? You’re still going to think about that one person, Your First Love.

And In my opinion, it’s better to stay unaccompanied,

than to be with someone else and

still thinking about

Your First Love.

-Arikay’s Little Infinity, First Love 1

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Would It make a Difference?

I have never been the type of person who shows my emotion easily. I always managed to hide them even when I really wanted to show it. I never wanted anyone to see me cry, heck, I don’t even like it when they ask me If I’m Okay or not. By emotions I mean to cry,like really really cry,pouring all your feelings out.

There’s something seriously wrong with you,” that’s what a close friend of mine told me.

I really feel bad about what I heard from my friend, but that bad feeling soon drifted away when I started telling myself that I am a strong person and that I’ll never show my emotions to anyone.

 I did succeed in hiding my emotions from the view of people. But things started getting worst when I can’t seem to feel pain inside of me.

 It’s like all that feelings that I’ve buried inside for so long are finally eating me alive. 

I can’t cry, I can’t sleep, I can’t think do anything for myself. 

The feeling of not feeling any emotional pain literally eats me alive. 

 The feeling of numbness scares me.

I started staying up late at night, trying to figure out what exactly went wrong with me? 

I mean, It’s not a bad thing to hide emotions but If you keep It inside of you for too long, you don’t know when you’ll burst out and that’s the last thing you wanted.

 

I can’t even shed a single tear when someone close to me passed away. 

I feel like If I cry and people sees me, they might find my weakness and all my insecurities.

I really don’t want people to see me in the state where I look vulnerable to them. 

I don’t want to be the type of person who someone sees as a weak person.

I write poems and short stories,even fan fictions.

They keep me busy and entertain me. 

But I started facing problems when I can’t convey what I really wanted to tell to the readers. I can’t pull out that emotional zone that needs to express one’s opinion.

If I cannot feel emotions,how am I suppose to write something realistic?

I couldn’t cry, not because I don’t want to. It just won’t come out even if I wanted it to come.

It’s like something pulls my throat inside every time I wanted to cry.

Sure, I can fake a tear but I can’t even recall the last time I cried with feelings attached.

Someone told me that,” If a person cannot cry, he/she must’ve been hurt so much that crying doesn’t make sense anymore.”


I wonder If that’s the case with me or not?

I have been hurt, maybe quite a few times. 

But never in my mind have I thought for once that It was because I’ve been hurt too much.

I wanted to know how to cry and share people what I feel and what I wanted to tell. But I can’t seem to do it.

I wonder if there’s a world where emotions are eradicated? I’ve seen a movie about it and the thought came into my mind.

 What if all humans cannot feel emotions? 

Would it change the view of certain people who thinks that I’m a hard headed girl and I’m just trying to show the world that I’m capable of doing whatever I wanted? 

 

Would It make a difference? I wonder.

P.S: All pictures are not mine,credit goes to the rightful owner.

 

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To The Person I Valued More Than Myself

If you ask me why I choose you?
I’d simply say,” Because I Love you.”
If you ask me why I still chase you after all these years?
I’d simply reply you with a soft smile and say,”I’m waiting for the right time.”

To be honest, I don’t even know why I am so crazily obsessed with you. I used to ask myself why am I like this?
And then I answered myself.
“Because I want you, with all my body and soul. I want you to be Mine. I want you to be my first and last. I don’t care if I’m not your first, at least I hope to be your last. I don’t want anything else if I got you. I want to grow old with you. I just want you.”
Simple as that.

I might be too greedy to want you all to myself. But I don’t think I am.
I want to have a teenage Love Story and do all the crazy thing I wanted to do with you.

But there’s always one thing that’s stopping me from being close to you.

Whenever I tried making an effort the fear of ‘falling in love too early’ haunts me.
I’m scared that we might ‘fall in love too early’ and ‘fall out of love’ easily. I know I’m stupid for thinking this way. But having avidity to have you all to me makes me scared.
It scares me to the point where I don’t even want to ever deal with the pain of getting a heartbreak from anyone else.
I can take it if you break my heart or hurt me in any way that you can.
Maybe then, I might be able to give up hope on you.
I can never imagine myself getting hurt over someone else who is not you.

I want you but I’m scared to show you.

What if ‘we’ turns out to be something that I’d never imagine?
What if the ‘us’ that I’ve pictured doesn’t turn out the way I wanted.
What if the ‘life’ I wanted to have with you turns out to be a predicament?
What if ‘we fall out of love’?
What if ‘we never made it to the phase of getting married’?
I’ve only wanted to do anything only with you and If it’s not you, I don’t think I can do anything.

I can never picture myself with anyone else.
I just can’t.
There must be something about you that get’s imprinted in me.
I can only give space to you and wait just until I think is the right time.
But when will the right time come?
I have no clue myself.
Maybe the ‘we’ I imagined might never happen.

But remember, I will always Love you, don’t you dare forget that.

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Her Priority

She wanted Him to explore The beauty of the world.

She wanted Him to feel the taste of magic that the world has stored for him.

She wanted Him to see every beautiful thing that surrounds him.

She wanted Him to feel Loved.

She wanted Him to know how important He is.

She wanted Him to know His worth.

All she ever wanted was the best for Him.

But in the proses of trying so hard to make him feel blessed,

She forgets to show ‘Her Love’ for Him.

She forgets her motive.

He was always Her priority.

She made Him Her priority until she forgets to make ‘Herself’ her priority.

She forgets to make Him feel her beautiful ‘Heart’

because she treasures

His worth more than Hers.

-Arikay’s Little Infinity