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My Dreams; spilled thoughts

I always thought that I had a dream.
Not the type of dream you had when you sleep.
But the type of dream that makes you feel enthusiastic.
The type of Dream that makes you want to be on top of the range.
The type that makes you feel like you’re worth something.
The type of Dream that makes you feel like you’re enough.
Enough to make the world appreciate your existence.
The type where you’ll sacrifice all that you’ve got just to achieve that Dream of yours.
Dreams? They aren’t really something special until you realize that a Dream can actually take you to places that you’ve never dream of.
Dreams make you want to conquer the world.
They can make you crave the beautiful melodies all around the world.
They can make you feel exquisite and radiant at the same time.
Dreams make you want to explore all the beautiful things that exist around the world.
Dreams actually made a person stronger.
It makes me feel like I am the vigorous adventurer of my own World.
A person that I revere.
A person that I wish I could be.
A wanderer of my own Story.
I really liked the word ‘Adventurer’, it makes me feel like I can do anything If I believe in myself and Of course my own Dreams.

-Arikay’s Little Infinity, My dreams; spilled thoughts

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Would It make a Difference?

I have never been the type of person who shows my emotion easily. I always managed to hide them even when I really wanted to show it. I never wanted anyone to see me cry, heck, I don’t even like it when they ask me If I’m Okay or not. By emotions I mean to cry,like really really cry,pouring all your feelings out.

There’s something seriously wrong with you,” that’s what a close friend of mine told me.

I really feel bad about what I heard from my friend, but that bad feeling soon drifted away when I started telling myself that I am a strong person and that I’ll never show my emotions to anyone.

 I did succeed in hiding my emotions from the view of people. But things started getting worst when I can’t seem to feel pain inside of me.

 It’s like all that feelings that I’ve buried inside for so long are finally eating me alive. 

I can’t cry, I can’t sleep, I can’t think do anything for myself. 

The feeling of not feeling any emotional pain literally eats me alive. 

 The feeling of numbness scares me.

I started staying up late at night, trying to figure out what exactly went wrong with me? 

I mean, It’s not a bad thing to hide emotions but If you keep It inside of you for too long, you don’t know when you’ll burst out and that’s the last thing you wanted.

 

I can’t even shed a single tear when someone close to me passed away. 

I feel like If I cry and people sees me, they might find my weakness and all my insecurities.

I really don’t want people to see me in the state where I look vulnerable to them. 

I don’t want to be the type of person who someone sees as a weak person.

I write poems and short stories,even fan fictions.

They keep me busy and entertain me. 

But I started facing problems when I can’t convey what I really wanted to tell to the readers. I can’t pull out that emotional zone that needs to express one’s opinion.

If I cannot feel emotions,how am I suppose to write something realistic?

I couldn’t cry, not because I don’t want to. It just won’t come out even if I wanted it to come.

It’s like something pulls my throat inside every time I wanted to cry.

Sure, I can fake a tear but I can’t even recall the last time I cried with feelings attached.

Someone told me that,” If a person cannot cry, he/she must’ve been hurt so much that crying doesn’t make sense anymore.”


I wonder If that’s the case with me or not?

I have been hurt, maybe quite a few times. 

But never in my mind have I thought for once that It was because I’ve been hurt too much.

I wanted to know how to cry and share people what I feel and what I wanted to tell. But I can’t seem to do it.

I wonder if there’s a world where emotions are eradicated? I’ve seen a movie about it and the thought came into my mind.

 What if all humans cannot feel emotions? 

Would it change the view of certain people who thinks that I’m a hard headed girl and I’m just trying to show the world that I’m capable of doing whatever I wanted? 

 

Would It make a difference? I wonder.

P.S: All pictures are not mine,credit goes to the rightful owner.