To The Person I Valued More Than Myself

If you ask me why I choose you?
I’d simply say,” Because I Love you.”
If you ask me why I still chase you after all these years?
I’d simply reply you with a soft smile and say,”I’m waiting for the right time.”

To be honest, I don’t even know why I am so crazily obsessed with you. I used to ask myself why am I like this?
And then I answered myself.
“Because I want you, with all my body and soul. I want you to be Mine. I want you to be my first and last. I don’t care if I’m not your first, at least I hope to be your last. I don’t want anything else if I got you. I want to grow old with you. I just want you.”
Simple as that.

I might be too greedy to want you all to myself. But I don’t think I am.
I want to have a teenage Love Story and do all the crazy thing I wanted to do with you.

But there’s always one thing that’s stopping me from being close to you.

Whenever I tried making an effort the fear of ‘falling in love too early’ haunts me.
I’m scared that we might ‘fall in love too early’ and ‘fall out of love’ easily. I know I’m stupid for thinking this way. But having avidity to have you all to me makes me scared.
It scares me to the point where I don’t even want to ever deal with the pain of getting a heartbreak from anyone else.
I can take it if you break my heart or hurt me in any way that you can.
Maybe then, I might be able to give up hope on you.
I can never imagine myself getting hurt over someone else who is not you.

I want you but I’m scared to show you.

What if ‘we’ turns out to be something that I’d never imagine?
What if the ‘us’ that I’ve pictured doesn’t turn out the way I wanted.
What if the ‘life’ I wanted to have with you turns out to be a predicament?
What if ‘we fall out of love’?
What if ‘we never made it to the phase of getting married’?
I’ve only wanted to do anything only with you and If it’s not you, I don’t think I can do anything.

I can never picture myself with anyone else.
I just can’t.
There must be something about you that get’s imprinted in me.
I can only give space to you and wait just until I think is the right time.
But when will the right time come?
I have no clue myself.
Maybe the ‘we’ I imagined might never happen.

But remember, I will always Love you, don’t you dare forget that.


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